Ok- 2nd post in, and I’m going to get real with all of you really quick.
Yesterday was hard. Just overall, hard. From just about the moment I woke up I was rushing. And if there is one thing that I DO NOT enjoy is being/feeling rushed. Just ask my husband ;). I was late for a meeting before school for a student of mine and from then on it just seemed to spiral. It was just one of those days that I felt two steps behind all. day. long! Have you ever felt that way? Even ALL DAY LONG some days? If you’re a teacher or work in childcare and you’re reading this then you may also have felt that on these types of days, the kids don’t always seem to help your cause either! It’s like, they can feel your anxiousness and stress…but they have no sympathy whatsoever, and rather they are going to test you all the more! 🙂 (Thank you Lord for children to continually cause our reliance and dependence on you to increase!!)
Anyways, aside from the rush and busy-ness of the day… D and I have been talking more and more about what in the world we are going to do for our baby come next fall. We’ve tossed around me staying home, taking a short leave in the fall and finishing the rest of the year, or not taking any sort of leave. We’ve narrowed it down to taking a short leave or staying home full time, but now we are getting to the tricky decisions. Where will she go? Who will care for her? Am I OK with someone else caring for her? Why would I choose to stop teaching and stay at home? Why would I choose to keep teaching and not stay home? …and the list of our looming questions goes on and on. My biggest concern right now is who will care for her and what type of environment do I want my sweet little one in when she isn’t with her mommy and daddy? I have started asking around at church, because there are several stay at home moms who I’d feel comfortable knowing our child is being cared for and loved by while I was teaching. The problem is, I haven’t gotten the answer I want yet! I’ve had several no not right now’s and a few maybe’s…and that’s not what I want! I want a YES! and I want it right now! This selfish thinking has led me to ponder more on the chapter from my reading tonight in 1 Samuel 3.
The Lord reveals himself to Samuel for the first time in this chapter, and what amazed me was Samuel’s willingness to trust and obey God from his very first interaction with Him. Samuel is faithful when God tells him to share some unpleasant news that is coming to the judge, Eli, who Samuel was ministering under. Samuel was obedient and trusted the Lord even in uncomfortable and not ideal circumstances. Tonight, my prayer is that, I too, would have a heart of trust and obedience to God like Samuel. That I would trust in his timing…even when my circumstances are uncomfortable, not ideal, not PERFECT! That is the beauty of God’s unending grace for us. HIS timing is perfect, and when He has given me a day of teaching that feels rushed and choppy, He timed that out perfectly, and it was what I needed to endure for that day. God’s timing is perfect in that right now, we do not know who our child will be with when I go back to work…and that’s OK. It’s ok, because God already knows. He already knows where she’ll be and who the exact person is and the exact environment that will be best for her to be in. Meditating on this scripture has reminded me that God is totally sovereign, God is my King, and His providential guidance will show D and I in due time all of these unanswered questions we are seeking. I just need to slow down and NOT RUSH it…huh. Imagine that, me, rushing. 😉
God’s timing is perfect and I know that, “for those who love God all things work together for g o o d, for those who are called according to h i s p u r p o s e.” God is working everything out for my good and for his purpose. I can find rest in that amazing truth. I hope you can too my friend!